Diver Down

The David Lee Roth years of Van Halen felt like a party. A vapid, dibbling, fun-times fete on the verge of being overripe. Sweet, but sticky with a hint of oncoming rot. As decadent and irresponsible as eating all your Halloween candy in one sitting or having a drunken one night stand. I’ve done both and the Diver Down tracts echo in my mental ear space when I memory those days.

So how do the 1980s stack up against the first half of the 2020s. Let me count the ways. That decade wouldn’t come close to matching the degeneracy of current times cruelty with various side orders of vicious pettiness. But in their time, Van Halen couldn’t have been wilder or more debauched. The album itself is a high percentages of cover songs, including the next level version of Roy Orbison’s Pretty Women. Roy’s is better, but VH does an enjoyable debouched rock spin on this classic tune. As a whole, the entire album is as enjoyable as a popsicle, but eat it quick! When it’s done, you are left with sticky hands and worthless wood.   

So be quick about it and slap on that sunscreen, turn this shit up to 11. Life is short, but summer is shorter. Frolic your butt off in the dusky sunlight and do some David Lee Roth splits if you can. I’m off to pound sand or get banned. Whatever comes first in these no-no days we’re living in.