Quiet reflection on a Saturday night is not something I'm interested in. So when my friend called me last weekend and suggest we injest some heavy duty THC laced pound cake and go check out Piranha 3-D, I was looking up show times before I was even off the phone.
This was my first venture into the theater to experience the "new" 3D technology. I was dubious, but enthusiastic like I was about to get onto a roller coaster ride I'd hadn't ridden since I was a child. As I waited in a short line at the concession stand to get a drink, the pound cake started to kick in and I was not very clear about exactly where I was at that moment. Not the best start to things, I thought, as I desperately willed my brain to help me keep my shit together in a public place. I soon abandoned the line and my friend and I made our way to seats just as the lights went down in the auditorium.
Somewhere in my mind after the previews, the opening credits, the piranhas (SPOILER ALERT) chowing down on my old Jaws hero Matt Hooper (Richard Dreyfuss), I was not sure I was going to be good with the next eighty minutes of CGI fish graphically chomping flesh. My mind was working fast behind those stupid 3D glasses on my face and I began to sink into an marijuana-born existential panic. The movie was pretty packed and I thought, all these people dropped what they were doing in their lives, got in their cars or on their feet and all came to this place to watch this crap movie. What the hell is wrong with everybody? And this is what I like to write about for fun. What the hell is wrong with me?
It was at this point where I needed to leave the theater. I took refuge in the theater next door which was halfway through Inception. Another bad decision as I began to nod out a little bit so I was not so much at that movie as I was now in it. It seemed like a life time, but we finally made the correct decision to leave the movies all together.
Note to self: Stay home and watch movies or maybe only eat a quarter of that pound cake. The other half of it sits menacingly in my refrigerator next to the eggs and a bowl of strawberries as I write this.